You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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