You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
