I'm going to rape someone's good day.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize