what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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