You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
they need to just BURY HIM!
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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