Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
