They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
