no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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