She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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