You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
