And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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