your room smells of hookers.
And success
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
