if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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