I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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