Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
