I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
