My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
