this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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