Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
