you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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