I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
