We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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