Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
