So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
