38 yer olds are good kisserssss
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
