i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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