i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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