Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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