fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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