I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
