you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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