Me. At least after what I've been through.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
