I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
