..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
