Do you still have your period?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
