I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize