Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Randomize