i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize