Buhtt sex?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
