i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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