Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
