i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
