I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
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