my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
