Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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