some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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