the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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