I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
