"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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