its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize