I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I love you.
Bad choice
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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