I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
