I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
