he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
