Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
