I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
