We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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