Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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