if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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