need another drink. this is the easiest way
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
