It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize