i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
