I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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