butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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