just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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