I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
