1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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