The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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