i just had sex bonerless
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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