so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I think my moral compass just broke
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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