So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Are we still banned from the library?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
