Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize