If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
