they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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