I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize