party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
