Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
