I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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