I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
