Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
