if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
