ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
