clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
