her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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