I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
