so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
