I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
