so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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