I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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