my mouth tastes like poor choices
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
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