Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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