i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize