I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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