I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
