OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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