Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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