I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
