just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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