If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
