playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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