I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize