Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
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