remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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