Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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