Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
