if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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