i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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