Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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